Daughter of mom who Bipolar

I am a daughter who's mom is bipolar. Just recently my mother has gotten worse due to my uncle's death. It seems like everytime something traumatic happens in our family, she gets bad. This has been going on ever since I was a little girl i'm now 37 yrs old. It hurts ever much to watch my mother this way.Many people don't understand this illness.It use to be hard to understand mom's illness until I watched a movie called : A Beautiful Mind after watching this it has helped a great deal.

Im bipolar and I have a 4 yr old daughter. Your a very brave person!! and your right..if you dont know the illness you'll never understand a bipolar person. I hope when my daughter is your age she will still be by myside..loving and understanding...
Take care

My husband is bipolar and he was just diagnosed last year. Before the diagnosis he was becoming a different person at times...very angry screaming at me for no reason and lying about his pay check and finally lost his third job due to this. I felt like the lies would never end, he even started calling those chat line phone numbers and was calling and texting another woman..well a 19 year old girl...this went on for months until I found the number in his work phone. This disorder is very difficult for the family of the affected person also. I will watch this movie and also if anyone has any helpful advice for me please let me know. Good Luck to you and your mom...

I'm sorry your mom is going through anxiety issues right now. I'm bipolar, and any sort of stress makes me unstable in my moods. I used to have screaming fits and I would be so anxious I would be literally unable to think. I dissociate, and most bipolar people I know do as well: when we're having a fit, it's like watching from outside ourselves, with no control over what we do. And what we do is just plain cruel. (Thankfully, it's only been verbal fits, and they are very rare now. I can't imagine ever hitting one of my kids!)

One thing I do to help out is keep a supply of "emergency" medications on hand. I'm not a suicide risk, so my doctor keeps me supplied with 0.5 mg Klonopin (Clonazepam) for "as needed" use. She used to give me Ativan instead, which is related to Klonopin. But the reason for the switch is I have essential tremors (shaky hands, etc), and Klonopin is indicated for treating tremors as well as anxiety. I hope your mom has a medication she can take in times of high anxiety. If she doesn't, maybe you can mention this to her doctor -- if you're "allowed" to. Privacy laws can actually hurt in this area.

Another thing that can help is playing defense for your mom. Often anything stressful will make a bipolar person freak out. Well, if you can take on a responsibility or two for her just in the short term, it may help. I know it means a lot to me if I'm going through a fit if my husband watches the kids for a few hours while I go to our room and go through relaxation techniques and pray. Sometimes just admitting I'm having a bad day is enough to help me get stable. (Being in denial means you can't be helped.)

I'm so sorry you had to grow up with a bipolar parent. I know how it is: my dad was/is bipolar. He's mellowed with age, though. He's over 65 now and I was estranged from him for over 18 years. I recently got back in touch with him (a year ago) and I've come to learn how very much like my dad I am, not just the bipolar, but the way we think through something. It really has helped me see another side of my dad that I never knew. I actually feel loved by him, when I never did before. It has been a waight off of me to talk to him about problems I had when I was a kid, and then telling him that I forgave him. He never knew he had a problem until I estranged myself from him at age 18. It's kind of funny: it took me, a bipolar young adult, telling him he was a jerk to make him finally see he had issues outside of his control. He's since gotten psychiatric help and he's now a different person than the one I never wanted to see again.

I hope your relationship with your mom is a benefit to both of you. Never feel guilty for wanting "safe" relationships in your life. No one deserves abuse, though sometimes it seems you do when you're in the middle of it.

Anything you can do to help your mom right now would be appreciated on some level by her. Hopefully this time of loss will stop affecting her moods soon. It's hard to lose a loved one, but it's even harder to lose a loved one and then feel like you have to take care of another (or walk on eggshells around them!)

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that what I had to say here helps you through this time as well. Take care.

HI,I AM NOT THE TYPE THAT USUALLY EMAILS OR GOES TO WEB SITES AND POST.I CAME HERE TO CHECK ON A MEDICATION MY DOCTOR HAD PUT ME ON FOR TENSION HEADACHES.I AM 34,MOTHER OF TWO.I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR THIS MONTH.I GREW UP WITH A MOTHER WHO TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE SEVERAL TIMES AND STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION ALL MY LIFE.I NEVER UNDRESTOOD HER UNTILL NOW.DONT FEEL BAD ,THERES NOTHING YOU CAN SAY OR DO THAT WILL HELP HER IN HER.MY POOR HUSBAND HAS TALKED TO ME AS TEARS RUN DOWN MY FACE TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME AND COULD NEVER MAKE IT WITHOUT ME AND THE WHOLE TIME ID BE THINKING I LOVE HIM TOO,AND I WISH THIS FEELING WOULD GO AWAY BUT WITHOUT MEDICATION AND HELP IT WONT.I HAVE NEVER PRAYED TO GOD SO MUCH IN MY LIFE,I AM A CHRISTIAN AND SOMETIMES THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME HERE ARE MY KIDS.SO JUST BE THERE FOR HER AND LET HER KNOW YOU LOVE HER.IF SHE WANTS TO TALK SHE'LL COME TO YOU KNOWING YOU LOVE HER AND WONT JUDGE HER,SHE IS ALSO ASHAMED AND EMBARASSED SHES EVEN FEELING LIKE SHE DOES.BE YOUR SELF AND BE THERE FOR HER THATS ALL SHE NEEDS.GOD BLESS CASEY

Thank you ever so much for everyone's replies.... Today my mother is having a great day. My older sister & I have been spending everyday with our mom from mornings until our step-father comes home from work to stay with her. We have not left her alone for a second. We make sure that she takes all medications and that her blood sugar is not high. High sugar does not go good with a bipolar person ! I make sure that she is eating right, mom is coming back to us slowly but surely. I think my mom has a beautiful mind. We laugh all day and just know that she'll be fine. Your right that with faith & prayer God listens and doesn't ever put anyone through anymore than we can't handle. I LOVE MY MOM WITH ALL MY HEART ! God Bless you all ..... To darklite: I was your daughters age, and I'm sure that your daughter will be by your side. I asked that you please watch the movie" A Beautiful Mind" when she is old enough to understand. That is the one movie that opened my mind to my mom's illness. I only wish that my aunt would of gaven it to earlier in life. I went through all my teen years and part of my adult life not understanding.I ended up with bad bleeding stomache ulcers due to worring about mom. Wondering if I was going to come home from school and not find my mom, cause grandmother would not deal with my mom actions. Instead, she was always getting court-orders to have mom sent away to state hospital. Now, I understand and I won't allow this ever to happen to us again. Mom had us to watch over and be here for her.....

My husband is Bipolar, but you wouldn't know it anymore! The difference? His diet. Most people with bipolar do NOT eat well. His diet is vegetarian, and chock full of vegetables and fruits. Before he started eating this way, he was very moody, angry and unpredictable. Now he is cheerful and pretty predictable. I can tell when he's been eating junky, because he reverts back to his old self. Please check out hacres.com for healing information.
Sincerely Indeed,
Kathleen

Food allergies and food addictives can cause behavior problems and mood swings especai Food dye yellow # 5 and red food dye. They have been trying to take it off the shelves for many years and are aware of this but not much is said about this on mental health sites. So diet is very important and can affect mood swings.

has she ever had her hormones tested, or cut out alcohol or caffeine? a lot ofpeople don't know how their diet affects them,, and doctors won't help them

i'm also convinced that women who have problems are low in progesterone...not to mention may have blood sugar issues

My mom has had her hormones tested and is ok . She does not drink alcohol at all. She does smoke alot of packs of cig. a day.I'm concerned about her heart and lungs. She takes Abilfy .with alot of other medications.She is also taking pills & injections for high sugar levels. I can tell when mom is not taking her meds. Because, she is what they call a smacker. She starts smacking her lips as if she were chewing gum but, really isn't. I study my mothers behavior and ask her if she has missed doses. She will try to deny it but, then just gives in and tells me that she has not been taking her meds. So, I will get her back on track.I asked her Social Worker in the begining when I noticed the smacking and she told me that she was one of alot of bipolar patience that there are who are called" Smackers" . This is a sign for me that my mom isn't taking her meds. It helps me to help her get back on track so that I don't have to see my mom go through the state system. I hate those places and don't ever want mom there again as I did as a child.....Thanks !!!

I SOOOO know what you mean. It's hard to care for people, but I don't want anyone related to me being taken care of by an impersonal system, even when people can be good...

Does she eat a good diet?

I try to get her to eat a well diet containing lots of veggies but, she is always eating sweets. Which I tell her that it's not good for her due to her high sugar level. She claims to have a big sweet tooth.... I'd really wish she would not eat junk food. I know that it affects her bipolar when sugars are high. Then, I have to bring them down again . Plus drinking plenty of water helps sugar levels. Your right about the system even though there are alot of great people that care of your relative with lots of care. Then , there are some that are just there for a paycheck and don't care. I have seen so much growning up. I told my mother that I understand her illness and, she not need to ever again worry about if she gets sick again that she'll ever be placed in those places again.She's my mom and I'll always bring her back to me...... She thanked me and it made us both cry. I Love my best mom DEARLY !!!!!!

Can you give her protein? And fiber foods? That would also help her sugars...sugar and caffeine can make an average person good bipolar! So imagine with her...

check out sugarshock.com

Thanks for your advice I will check out sugarshock.com. I had no idea that sugar and caffeine helps! Thanks again

I know this is a really old thread, i hope someone will see it.

My mother is also bipolar. She was diagnosed when I was about 16 or 17 and I am now 27. My parents divorced when i was 10 and it was all downhill from there. I remember us always fighting and I thought she was crazy, but not really crazy. Then it got really out of hand with her she was up for several days in a manic episode. The police got involved and that is when she was taken to a mental hospitial for evalutaion. My brother was 12 at the time.
She moved away to where her mother and father lived for 8 years. The whole time there nothing, but fighting with my aunt and grandmother. I honestly thought it was all true or atleast partialy true. Now she has decided to move back over here with us to be close to her grandchildren. She has only been back a month. She is sooo paranoid and delusional I don't know what I can do for her. She knows that she is bipolar, but will NOT take her meds. Says that she isn't crazy. It has gotten so bad she always thinks people are taking things from her. so bad that when she goes into stores she thinks the things there are hers. She totaly flipped out on my husband and so we said it clearly wasn't a good idea for her to stay with us. So she went to stay with a freind. A few days later she showed up at my work with a car load of her friend's clothes. Asking me if they were mine, i had never seen any of it. :( I pleaded with her this wasn't happeneing. I have told her if she will go and get counseling and help herself then we will do whatever we can, but she won't listen. she won't go for help. i do not know what else i can do. she is making fights between me and my husband and brother and i know its just a matter of time b4 she goes to mess with my dad and his wife.

any advice would be greatley appreciated. as i am at a loss.

thank you!

You can have your mom committed. I would do it, just because she is a danger to herself and others. It sounds like she may have schizophrenia rather than Bi-Polar (some psychiatrists believe there is a continuum between Bi-Polar and Schizo - and that some people sway more toward mild symptoms like Bi-Polar and more pronounced symptoms like Schizo). The only way to get a thorough diagnosis is to have her committed. You can try to have her declared mentally incompetent once she has a diagnosis, if you and your family want to make her stay in the hospital until all of her symptoms are under control. I know how horrible it must sound to have your mom committed, but think about it this way: she cannot have a healthy relationship with her grandchildren or her children. She steals everything in sight because she doesn't know any better. She's too paranoid to listen to anyone who wants to give her the meds she needs. She's been having bouts of psychosis: the delusions alone make her very dangerous. And she's driving?? Goodness. She's tearing your family apart, and she is unwilling to change. The best option is to have her committed because then she can be forced to take her meds. Once her symptoms are under control, it is more likely that she will accept counseling. I hope things work out for you. It's scary to have a mom that can't be a "mom" to you. Once your mom's symptoms are under control, then your family can make a decision about future contact with her. If it were me, I'd have an ultimatum: if you take your meds, you can have contact with us. If you don't take your meds, we will refuse to have any contact with you. I see that as the only way - it's unfair to let your mom ruin everyones life just because someone feels guilty about cutting off contact with her. You've already tried it her way, now it's time for you and your family to take control of the situation because your mom has proven repeatedly that she is incapable of doing it herself.

Thank you so much for your response. We have told her that she either goes for counseling and takes her meds or we won't have contact with her, but she just keeps comming around. She thinks my husband is behind everything. She came over tongiht to get her things she is staying with my brother now. She was screaming and yelling at my husband telling him she would knock the hell out of him. She does have all of us fighting. It won't last more than a day. I had her commited 10 years ago, when I was still in high school. This is so sad. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to go about it. She stole one of my house keys and I honestly don't feel safe? our kids are very young 6 months, 2 and 3. I totaly agree though. I see it now, she needs to go to the hospitial to get under control then once she is stable we can attempt a relationship.

do the meds affect her badly? and is she able to eat and drink properly, with good nutrition? Good luck! Have you ever considered calling someone like Dr Joy Browne, who's very good with this on the radio? she's on wor-am, 710 am, in nyc and across the country

Air: it's pretty easy to change locks. If you decide to do it, you can get all new door knobs or dead bolts which work with the same key (they each have a code on their box: if you match the code, you match the key) or you can get the locks re-keyed while you wait (the person at the key cutting area knows how to do it). Home Improvement Warehouses - like Lowe's and Home Depot - have these services. I hope things end up working out for you. It's so tough to do what's best sometimes. Take care.

My mom was diagnosed with Bipolar last year. She was in a huge manic phase, leaving my father after 35 years, going to bars, disowning her kids, swearing, losing her job, spending $40,000 in one month on her credit cards and her 401K. She tore our family up, but not apart. The rest of us had to do damage control each day. We had her committed, but it was not easy. It took court orders, the police, and a mobile crisis unit. The facility was horrible and I didnt agree with anything that went on with my mom and eventually she was able to convince them that she was healthy and they let her walk out. Today, she is in a deep deep depression, its been 12 months of her sitting around, losing weight, not working, growing old. She is on meds, but they make her shake, weak, and she is still not back to my normal "mom". I have been told that since she was older and lasted in her manic phase for 3 months that it could take a LONG time for her to be stabilized. All I want is my mom back, I want my happy family to sit down to dinner and enjoy a conversation together. I want my father to stop stressing about money because my mother is not working and is in thousands of dollars in debt........I pray and I wish for life to go back to the one I knew for 30 years.......

My mom has bipolar disorder. I am a full time student and work two jobs and Im barely ever home to start, but whenever I am my mom and I are constantly fighting. It wasn't always like this. It wasn't until I reached high school that she would compeletly freak out over the littlest thing going wrong. She's either really happy and taking me out and actually doing stuff with me or she is screaming and yelling and calling all sorts of names and shes hits me quit a few times too. She has tried to kill herself several times and when the cops came to our house once because she was fighting with my dad she made up this HUGE lie about how my dad had hit her. They almost took my dad to jail. If me and my sister hadn't told the cops the truth he would've gone. My mom constanly blames my brothers wives for them barely talking to her. My brothers can't stand to be around her anymore because of all the problems she causes. I want to have her commited, but I don't know how and I don't want my family to be mad at me. What should I do?

I feel so relieved. I had a evaluation finally scheduled today for my mom. I took her in today and the case worker suggested that she admit her self. She said no way and just kept saying it and saying it. WE kept pleading with her, but she wouldn't budge. We were getting ready to leave with nothing, but a appt scheduled for next monday to get on meds. When we came out the new "guard" started talking with us. She was wonderful. Again my mom started to unload onto her. Well this lady worked some serious magic and got her to sign the paper. She had a whole different approach and it worked! It was really hard and we were both really upset. I think she knew it was for the best though. We are going to try to make a really good support family system so that she will want to be apart of it and hopefully that will keeep her strong and on her meds.

Agro - I know exactly what you are going through. My mom and I use to fight like crazy when i was in high school ( i am now 27). She hit me a few times and I even hit her back b4. :( it's a terrible thing to live with.

I'm glad things went well with the eval and that your mom is going to be under inpatient care for a while. There's really nothing better, IMO, than being kept under watch while meds are adjusted.

I envy your mom! When I was an inpatient/outpatient, I was told to set up a support system once I got home. Being shy and also unable to make friends who were sane enough to be "supportive", I was pretty much left hung out to dry. Your mom has no idea how lucky she is right now, and I hope that the future holds good days for all of you. Take care. :-)