Rapid Cycling Bi Polar mom of 2

I am 22 years old and have been diagnosed with bi polar syndrom since my jr year in high school i also have extream impulsive disorder where i buy or do things on a whim even though i know i need to do other things or shouldnt spend my money. I forget to pay my bills i can have the money orders in my purse for weeks and just forget to turn them in. I can be told to do something or to get something while i am out and forget it befor i hit the door, because my mind is always going crazy. I have 2 beautiful children march of 2007 and july of 2008 and this has sent me into over load lots of ups and tons of downs. I cant function long enough to even do the dishes or fold the laundry. I have to take online college classes because i forget what days i need to be in class and to top it off i had ADD so i cant function in the class room.

But the worse thing is my boyfriend of almost 5 years does not understand this condition at all he seems to think its all in my head and its just an exuse for me to be mean. He gets mad at me for going to the mental health clinic.
He is almost down right mean to me about all of this. when we first started dateing i didnt tell him anything about this becacuse i didnt think it was any of his business, then when he moved in with me a year later he found all my meds and put them down the sink and said if i cant be happy with him with out meds then we just dont need to be together. He didnt know that could kill me, i had a sizure 3 days later and had to go to the hospital. I went a few years with out the meds and to say the least i was a hanis bitch all the time. Some people only have a few episodes a year mine are constant they call it rapid cycling my episodes will over lap each other and sometimes i can go a few days being normal but for the most part i am either high or low i dont have a middle of the road.

I am just having a really hard time with the home life with my boyfriend and i dont know how to explain it to him with out getting pissed off.

Wow! I cannot believe how much this sounds like me. I to have rapid cycling. I call them 3 on 3 off. I will have extreme 'high's" euphoria, I am on top of the world, spending money, making plans, volunteering (and can never come through) I even dance and sing around the house. I will be up for days cleaning and making list and planning some kind of entrepreneurship. I drag everything out of closets and cabinets with the intention of organizing and cleaning. Then, guaranteed in about 3 days I will crash. I will lay in bed barely taking care of my children, I cry to myself about being a horrible mother and wife and think about how good a life my family would have without me here. I didnt have seizures but I would hear things and see shadows the right side of my body would go weak. Especially my tounge and lip. And my right arm and leg would be so weak. There are different ways to deal with it for everyone. I will tell you what I have done that has helped me tremendously. As a mother of 3 I have forced time for me to exercise 3 days a week and I have changed my eating habits. I do not restrict bad carbs and refined sugars but I have defenately slowed down. When I do not stick to this routine even with my meds I fall back into the rapid cycles. I hate it my mind races and it wears me out, I forget everything just like you do. Anyway, you may give your boyfriend some time to come around. Encourage him to do some research on his own. Try to talk him into attending sessions with you. I know it will be hard, but if he is unwilling to try to understand the lack of support will only hurt your progress. My husband was going nuts trying to figure out what was wrong with him that made me this way. But, now that we know what is wrong he is so great and I think he even understands it more than I do.
Good Luck, It may be a long hard road but it will be worth it when you get there!!!

i have the same problem also but right know Im on so much med im not sure if it helping or counteracting eachother the one thing I have found is make lists and keep things the same as much as you can I have 4 kids so i know that it is hard scrapbooking or card making is very helpfull for me my kids can do it with me and it can either be fast pace or relaxing have you tried giving your boyfriend short articals about bipolar to read maby if you lay a few around he might pick one up and read it

Talk to your doctor about the different medications available. Everyone is different, but there is usually a happy medium for everyone. I speak from experience believe me! I was diagnosed about 5 years ago and it nearly destroyed me. I was lucky enough to find a doctor that puts a lot of thought into his treatment, is very open, asks a lot of questions and most importantly listens to what I have to say(this last is most important) It's not an easy road, but there is hope. I am still symtomatic but minimally, in the last year I have been able to see the normal me again and most of the time I might add.
MOST importantly do not except being handed medication and being brushed off for a follow up in a few months. You will get no where! I know it's hard but be assertive, ask questions(right them down because it sounds like you will forget them if you don't) ask your doctor and demand discussion and potential solutions. There are many medications out there and many doctors too.
As far as the boyfriend, do not except his opinion nor attitude. Had my husband not been there for me I probably would not be here now. Support is half the battle. Had my husband pulled the stunt with the meds that your boyfriend did I would have knocked his teeth out the back of his head. When he gets his Phyc. degree he can pass judgement and not until then. Do not except his behavior. Keep in mind that bipolars will attract other bipolars, they will also attract control freaks. Ask yourself which one is he. You deserve better than that. Everybody gets pissed off, even bipolars and it sounds like you had a right. A friend

I was also diagnosed with the same exact thing about 6 years ago. I am still sooo forgetful. However, I have 4 year old twins so I try to not be too hard on myself about my forgetfulness, because noone can watch or handle my kids like I can. I have to say that after I was originally diagnosed, I started self medicating, along with my psychiatrist trying to medicate me. So I don't know if I was ever given the right meds because I was abusing pretty much anything I could. I was so depressed and my mind wouldn't stop either so getting high was what worked then...Not now, and it's definately NOT THE RIGHT THING. I bring this up just to say if you are doing anything else...quit for your children.
I found out I was pregnant and quit everything, including meds. I did fine during the pregnancy, but 1 day after getting out of the hospital...I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't stop crying, my mind was racing again, I was so overwhelmed w/ 2 babies that I very quickly got back into drugs and alcohol. The speedy drugs helped my energy (for a while) I thought taking them was the only way I could keep up.....I was so sleep deprived. So basically I did the worst thing possible to my brain. No sleep, self medicating, not eating well. I got so bad but I don't know if it was the addiction or the rapid cycling? AND I wasn't honest to my psychiatrist about anything I did at home. I could have died. I feel very lucky to have gotten myself out of all of it and to have my life and children. It's been a really long journey of trying to find the right meds. I have been clean & sober 2 yrs now and am only taking 50mg seroquel and 150 wellbutrin. I'm not even sure if I am bipolar, my family doesn't think so. But I tried to slowly stop taking seroquel and got really bad mood swings again. I don't ever want my kids to see me that way. I am still always thinking & planning, and planning & thinking. But the seroquel helps me get the sleep I need to be mentally healthy. I don't get too manic, I get sleep, and I started working out on a regular basis. I feel the best that I ever have. So I do feel that you can handle your 2 kids, you need to give yourself more credit. And try not to be too hard on yourself for being forgetful!! Like the girl said earlier......WRITE NOTES, its the only thing that works for that. And when you start writing notes and remembering things (because of notes) you should feel really good about yourself and that in turn will make you write more notes and then you'll feel good. Its a very positive circle.
As far as your man....I think he's being very ignorant. They have proved bi polar disorder thru cat scans....so what doesn't he get? You need to leave him if he doesn't start being more supportive. Do you really want your kids growing up with you...unmedicated and your guy making you out to be crazy? Your kids deserve a WHOLE you!! : )
I feel for you....hang in there. Every little thing is gonna be alright!!

I was diagnosed with bi polar 2 disorder two years ago and have fought this label everyday. Primarily because of the stigmatism that goes with it. I hide it as much as possible, and when I do tell people they look at me as though I was crazy. It is unfortunate how ignorant people can be... If I had diabetes would people treat me different... not. In fact, I would probably find more people "caring" about me. What I have found is that Bi polar is a very difficult illness to diagnose. Symptoms can be intertwined with so many other things. I have the same symptoms that all of you have listed in your posts. Every doctor treated me as severe depression due to my husbands tragic death. But things just haven't gotten better. I had been on all sorts of antidepressents, so many that I couldn't tell you if they worked or didn't. The one thing I could tell you is that I was in anger mode all the time when I was on welbutrin. I tried it twice with the same side affects. It wasn't until I started using Chantex to quit smoking and found myself in the same state of uncontrollable anger. The person I was when I was taking welbutrin was NOT me-- it was someone else.... and as a result, I lost a friendship with two of my very best friends. I really felt I was loosing my mind. So much so, I sought out a different therapist and was fully prepared to comit myself. It wasn't until then that I was told that welbutrin will have a negative affect on people with Bipolar disorder. While I still don't fully want to accept that I have this illness (primarily because of the label), I'm not fighting it either. I have found that taking this medication has helped with most of the symptoms and the one's that it is not, could be a result of birthcontrol or premenapause. My point with all of this is... be true to yourself! You know, I repeatedly apologized to my two friends at the time of the occurrences for my irratic and totally uncharacteristic behavior. Uncharacteristic was me finally speaking my mind about their behaviors in a very loud and yes, manic way. It was my way of crying out to both of them that I needed help...I didn't know why I was feeling or acting the way I was. It's been two years since I've spoken to one and just a passing hello to the other. I can't say that them not wanting to accept an apology and continue a friendship hasn't had an affect on me. Some would say I should tell them about the bipolar disorder. My attitude is .... why should I? Why couldn't they just be supportive and realize (as a good friend would) that something deeper was wrong and see me through it... instead of taking the easy road. I so agree with Jen42... bipolars will attract other bipolars or control freaks. It has only been since I've been medicated that I have seen that both of these "friends" were just that. It is time for us to be in control of ourselves. Don't let others ingnorance be in control of you. I know how lonely this road can feel... but know that you're NOT alone.

I was diagnosed with bipolar and ocd about 15 years ago. A lot of what I have read sounds like good advise. I have been through many medication combos through the years and am on a good "cocktail" right now and am very happy with my life (right now). First just knowing is part of the solution. I have learned through the years to write things down as I was going through therapy and medications. I have rapid cycle like you and understand where you are. I use to call my racing thoughts my freight train going to fast to focus and nothing could stop it at times. Right now I cycle but its more of an even flow not to high not to low. Beside medications I use my warning signs and help from my Wife to keep my moods a little more stable. One thing that bothers me is the lack of understanding in your relationship. To me it is very important to have that "outside looking in" person by my side. I listen to my family because my point of view is not always the best one to follow. Seek out a doctor you can trust and are comfortable with. I have fired a few doctors because I was not at ease with them. They work for you. Dont feel like you have to keep the same doctor you start with. Having negative people around be it friends, family or doctors can only increase the manic feeling in us. Having a healthy group of support is just as important to me as my medications. Good luck. Tams42 is right you are not alone and dont have to be.

Mom empty nest, just diagnosed 2 mo ago. I was devastated. I am not on meds yet Too new. I have panic attacks and am taking atavan and don't sleep much so I have ambient which works sometime and sometimes not. I am having a bad day today. Depressed want to cry. I have everything. A nice home,Great understanding husband. I am seeing a Dr. but he put me back on prozac and that made me worse. I guess we have a lot of work to do!

The forgetfullness thing can actually be a cerebral allergy! Cut out all milk, cheese, etc, and the sugars.
But the first thing I'd get rid of is the boyfriend. Find a female support group.

Being bipolar is awful -- for the most part. The confusion, racing heart, anxiety, mood swings, etc... are awful.
The fact that it caused me to become hung like a horse and have the stamina of a rabbit gives reason to believe being bipolar isn't all bad.

Be persistant my dear girl! I was diagnosed in my 40th year. For most of my life I had sleep problems and racing thoughts. I dont get the traditional 9 hours we are required to get.(even with the meds). I have "Nanna Naps" in the day to catch up, if I need to. In times of stress, I use "Rescue Remedy". This is one of the "Bach Flower Essences".

Be well

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