Alter ego symptoms and conditions

I have to wonder about age related symptoms. I find that woman my age have similar side effects as I do. But, I have not read anywhere where someone age 44 on Loestrin24 has had a change in mood swings for the better. I know I'm 'pari' and thats really why I went on this, well despite the fact that I have 2 kids am a single mom and reeeaallly do not want to accidentally get pregnant! For me this is a wise decision to be on BC. Although that being said, I am very freaked about MY 8-10pd. wt. gain. Friends admire my new shape, my bo just today noticed that yeah maybe I am bigger but says not to worry. I'm about to go off of this for the wt. gain reason alone. I'm drinking less alcohol cause it makes me nausea, working out like a fiend, and it's month 3 and am spotting in week 2 and have cramps today. Besides feeling like a a bloated beast I actually feel sexual, sleeping soo much better, less temper tantrums and energy to work out is through the roof! Can someone explain why the hell I feel so good! I actually believe having a low body fat level was throwing me into a severe hormone imbalance that had me feeling lack luster and crazy. But, at 44 it's so hard to tell whats really happening to my body. It sucks not being able to squeeze into my little jeans and squeezing out of my little bras 2 (well thats not so bad) Does anyone feel good mentally from this pill besides me? I want to go off of it right this second but am afraid of my alter ego showing up. she's a little scary...but a baby would be crazier!

The first time I took Zoloft, it was a brand new drug with a high price tag and people were just beginning to talk about depression--openly. I had a positive experience with it. I have PTSD and severe depression due to trauma as a child and later from an abusive husband. I had a major depressive episode shortly after the birth of my 2nd child, exasperated by postpartum depression and thyroid storm. I became suicidal at a time when I seemingly had all I ever wanted. It saved my life in that regard.

I had stubborn baby weight that needed to come off. Also, I tend to be an emotional eater. Zoloft helped curb my emotional eating and I lost weight. Some people say overeating or eating disorders are akin to OCD behavior, both anxiety based, so in that way it makes sense. When Lithium was added, then changed to Depakote, I had a tremendous weight gain--I was PUFFY! At that time Bi-Polar was the flavor of the month--not that it isn't real--it just seemed that at the time, everyone was BiPolar. I later went off all meds and was OK for about 3 years when the ugly beast reared its head again.

Zoloft at one point both saved and ruined my life. The first time on Zoloft as a young wife and mother I think the verdict was still not out with all the side effects. I was unable to engage in sex. Not only did I not have any sexual urge but my body couldn't. I talked to a therapist and psychiatrist to no avail--it was MY problem--that the birth of a child brought up abuse issues--men are the only ones with sexual side effects! After being sexually NORMAL my husband and I were told that it was psychological. That didn't do a lot for our relationship. It also made me more distant and quiet. The new Me-on-Zoloft was like my repressed alter ego. The new me was all the more reason to need to stay on meds--just see how depressed and troubled I am. My husband and I divorced due to bad medicine and I didn't know any better. Had all the information been out there at the time, things could have been different.

I went back on Zoloft with mixed results. As a creative writing major at the university, it was like someone flipped a switch and all creativity left me. I found it increasingly difficult to concentrate and recall information for discussion or tests. I was however , more focused in the mundane--dinner, dishes, laundry, regular exercise, all the routine stuff. The anxiety before going back on zoloft made me want to rip my hair out and I was overwhelmed by everyday stuff. I would wash a dish and fight the urge to run around the table before washing the next one. Part of that, I think, was the pressure of being a single mom with 3 small children, going to school full-time and working part-time. Whew! and with little support from anyone, no dad in the picture.

Through the years I have been on many other things and this will probably be the pattern for the rest of my life. Paxil made me a suicidal zombie to the point that my kids cried and made me go to the hospital--they didn't know the suicidal ideation at the time. Effexor caused flabby weight gain and myalgia. Last year I went in the hospital again for depression (job loss, 2nd divorce, mother's death & all at once). The psychiatrist talked me into going on Pristiq claiming it was like Effexor but with none of its bad side effects. BS!!! Once again, I was duped and still weigh 33 pounds over what I did. I am AGAIN back on Zoloft and it seems fine. The devil you know is better than the one you don't know--I guess. I haven't been back on it long enough to know what will happen this time but it can't be worse than the other things out there. I'm tired of being the psychiatric community guinea pig. Everyone is different; my best friend gaied 25 lbs. on Zoloft and takes Paxil (I can't), my sister only does well on Welbutrin, my friend's mom has been on Effexor for years and it keeps her sane. You just have to find your fit. My problem has been from the medical community not being forthcoming with information and the reluctance to listen to a 'crazy' patient.