Deep sorrow symptoms and conditions

I'm 31 and started taking Effexor a week ago 75mg to begin with. Today I'm doubling the dose. I am mourning for the loss of my husband whom I have been together with for three years and married for 4 months! In a week I had a serious nervous breakdown due to an obsession in my mind; related to getting his personal belongings from his family. But today when I think about my feelings, it seems as if they're all lost. Or they are buried even deeper inside of me. I can't cry and this is uncomfortable. One day I'm seriously aggressive, another day I'm the easiest person on earth, then another day I'm fighting with my emotions like missing him bad. I had suicidal thoughts as well. When I look back, it seems overwhelming what I felt due to this medicine on top of my deep sorrow.
I don't really know how this dose doubling will affect me, but I'm anxious!!!!!