Full of hate symptoms and conditions

I have been on prednisone for 11+ years due to having had a heart transplant. The prednisone keeps my heart from rejecting.
I have not taken it for 2 days and I am in the process of passive suicide.
I am driving out west into the desserts to sit and die. I can no longer
be around people for I am afraid I may kill someone or at least significantly hurt them. I have been homicidal and suicidal for 11 years due to this med. I would enjoy killing everyone and everything. I hate myself and I want to die.
Prednisone made me become "Evil"; Hell incarnated. I don't want to live
in a mental institution and my doctor will only give me Seroquel thinking this will help me. I tell him it doesn't help me but he thinks it does. Stupid fucking doctor. My transplant docotrs won't even listen to me when I talk about "mental" issues. Everything pisses me off. It is raining outside and this makes me so mad and stressed.
I have been in this psychotically angry and agitated state of mind for 11 years. I have punched myself many times in the head and banged my
head against walls trying to get homicidal and suicidal thoughts out of my mind to no avail.
I would like to try ECT (electro-convulsive-therapy) but I won't even
mention this to my doctor because he will literally laugh at me and make me so god dam mad that I would enjoy killing him right then and there. I'm sick and tired of living in hell everyday.
Do not take prednisone no matter what, unless your life depends on it. And then what type of life will you have? Maybe a life full of hate, rage, anger, homicidal and suicidal thougts even when you dream.
Fuck life!
Arthur X 1968-2009

After 1 week. I experienced moods that I had never encountered before. I had extreme irritability and dark thoughts. I wanted to get rid of my pets. Hated my kids, and hated everything. People at work or on TV, I felt like killing them. I felt like a walking time bomb serial killer. I immediately stopped taking the Lamictal after 1 week. I could tell a difference by the next day. I was still depressed but not suicidal or full of hate that I experienced on the Lamictal. This type of side effect can happen with any mood stabilizers or anti depressant type drugs. I'm glad I knew this, or I would have killed my pets, family and myself.