Hot line symptoms and conditions

I have been on prednisone for 11+ years due to having had a heart transplant. The prednisone keeps my heart from rejecting.
I have not taken it for 2 days and I am in the process of passive suicide.
I am driving out west into the desserts to sit and die. I can no longer
be around people for I am afraid I may kill someone or at least significantly hurt them. I have been homicidal and suicidal for 11 years due to this med. I would enjoy killing everyone and everything. I hate myself and I want to die.
Prednisone made me become "Evil"; Hell incarnated. I don't want to live
in a mental institution and my doctor will only give me Seroquel thinking this will help me. I tell him it doesn't help me but he thinks it does. Stupid fucking doctor. My transplant docotrs won't even listen to me when I talk about "mental" issues. Everything pisses me off. It is raining outside and this makes me so mad and stressed.
I have been in this psychotically angry and agitated state of mind for 11 years. I have punched myself many times in the head and banged my
head against walls trying to get homicidal and suicidal thoughts out of my mind to no avail.
I would like to try ECT (electro-convulsive-therapy) but I won't even
mention this to my doctor because he will literally laugh at me and make me so god dam mad that I would enjoy killing him right then and there. I'm sick and tired of living in hell everyday.
Do not take prednisone no matter what, unless your life depends on it. And then what type of life will you have? Maybe a life full of hate, rage, anger, homicidal and suicidal thougts even when you dream.
Fuck life!
Arthur X 1968-2009

I began Topamax in August after 6 months of ongoing severe migraines. They stopped immediately. My DR had warned me of weight loss but I thought who cares? I weighed 130 at the time. I have had a fatigue problem for years so I really can't attribute that to Topamax. I did become very sick (exhaustion-couldn't get out of bed) after Christmas and had my DR take my ANA which was 1280 (high). I have also experienced hair loss but I did not find that on the "side effects". I called the hot line to see if there were other reports of affected the ANA count and they had no data on this. Has anyone else had this experience? Meanwhile, it is 8 months later, I am down to 96 lbs and worried, have lost all fat & muscle - no migraines!