Hypnosis symptoms and conditions

I was prescribed Lamictal around this time two years ago (July '07) for Borderline Personality Disorder. At first I thought it was great and I felt like it'd been a miracle drug -- the drive back home from the psychiatrist's office that day was such a feeling of relief because I was going to get my miracle drug, finally. Later the next month I moved away from home and began college in the lower half of the state and stopped taking the medication because I noticed that I feeling any difference, or experiencing any change in my moods. Infact, I felt exactly the same as I had before. I looked up the medicine derivative drug and found out that it has a "placebo-like effect with highly addictive qualities".... which made me think that once again, my problem is all in my head. I still feel like I need to be on some kind of medication, but I am not willing to part entirely with my authentic self just to make some other people's lives easier. If they think my mood swings and attempts at self-destruction effect them negatively, just wait until you are the one having them and you can't control them! I don't want to become a zombie, I don't want to lose my hair, and I don't want to gain 30 lbs, but I feel like there's nothing else I can do. But then again, there doesn't seem to be any drug that can help without the drastic side-effects.

Sheesh.

The nausea is tolerable, generally short-lived as long as I eat prior to taking the Chantix and drink plenty of water.

I have a sense of...fogginess....detachment, while at the same time, seem to sense clear hidden messages in the way people look at me, in what they're saying to each other, and to me. Yep, it's probably paranoia.

The nightmares are horrible. I dream specifics about deaths of loved ones, in horrible detail. I also awaken at least once a night gasping in terror, unable to get a breath.

The thoughts of suicide are strangely comforting and don't seem wrong at all. I'm depressed, but comforted knowing that I can end it if I really want to. Bizarre and I know it on some level at least.

I'm bruising easily this time. I mean REALLY easily. A small bump results in a hard, raised, dark bruise.

I developed a rash on my stomach that's been there for 3 days but seems to be clearing today.

This is my 2nd time taking Chantix and I'm 3 weeks in. I had the same symptoms last time and expected them this time. I'm smoke free but plan to continue with the Chantix as long as possible. The urge to give in and have one cigarette is too strong post Chantix. I tell myself everyday that the thoughts are NOT me, and that I can let them come and not act on them because it's the drug, not me.