Personality traits symptoms and conditions

I have been on prednisone for 11+ years due to having had a heart transplant. The prednisone keeps my heart from rejecting.
I have not taken it for 2 days and I am in the process of passive suicide.
I am driving out west into the desserts to sit and die. I can no longer
be around people for I am afraid I may kill someone or at least significantly hurt them. I have been homicidal and suicidal for 11 years due to this med. I would enjoy killing everyone and everything. I hate myself and I want to die.
Prednisone made me become "Evil"; Hell incarnated. I don't want to live
in a mental institution and my doctor will only give me Seroquel thinking this will help me. I tell him it doesn't help me but he thinks it does. Stupid fucking doctor. My transplant docotrs won't even listen to me when I talk about "mental" issues. Everything pisses me off. It is raining outside and this makes me so mad and stressed.
I have been in this psychotically angry and agitated state of mind for 11 years. I have punched myself many times in the head and banged my
head against walls trying to get homicidal and suicidal thoughts out of my mind to no avail.
I would like to try ECT (electro-convulsive-therapy) but I won't even
mention this to my doctor because he will literally laugh at me and make me so god dam mad that I would enjoy killing him right then and there. I'm sick and tired of living in hell everyday.
Do not take prednisone no matter what, unless your life depends on it. And then what type of life will you have? Maybe a life full of hate, rage, anger, homicidal and suicidal thougts even when you dream.
Fuck life!
Arthur X 1968-2009

To guest 14703,

When it comes to psychological and emotional matters, it is difficult to come up with one absolute answer. The steroid's psychological side-effects can take a toll on anyone at any time, any dose or any stage. The way people deal with the side-effects depends a great deal on a person's mental history, personality traits and inner strength.
For me, although I was taking a high dose of 100 mg a day for 3 months and so on for 6 months, I never became manic, schizophrenic or had suicidal thoughts. However, I did become a little depressed due to things I had no control over, like the abrupt weight-gain, the ugly triple chin, hunched-back, hair-loss, lack of sleep or concentration, aches in my muscles and stomach, lack of support or understanding from my partner (the list is endless!).
The physical as well as the emotional changes go together hand in hand. All I wanted to do was to get off the horrible drug and be drug free. One good thing out of this nightmare was that I learned to take better care of body, mind and soul.

Gypsi