Religious order symptoms and conditions

I've been on Geodon for 3 years now. At first I was on 120mg per day and then I was so sick of being drowsy in the morning that I reduced my dosage to 80 mg a day. I'm really sad and frustrated because I told my doctor that I wanted to go off of it, because I don't think I have a mental illness and she refused to help me go off of it. Its a really hard drug to come off of. And it makes me so angry because she never warned me when I was first forced to go on it that going off of it would be so difficult. It makes me so angry and sad and even suicidal that other people think they know whats best for me. I had a beautiful religious experience with Jesus. I made the mistake of telling my family and doctor, and they labeled me as schizophrenic and forced me onto medication (Geodon). I think its so unfair and I have resentment that my family did this to me. Nobody believes me that I had this religious experience (I'm a Catholic) and they all think I'm crazy. Now I want to enter a religious order and become a nun. I tried to enter an order and they asked me if I take any medication. The religion teaches that its a sin to lie, so I told the truth and told them about the medication. Religious orders are strict about not admitting people with 'mental problems' so she refused to admit me. Now I want to go off of the medicine so that the next time a religious order asks me if I take medication I can say 'no' and therefore avoid the whole subject of mental illness. My advice to anyone who is starting this medicine is quit before you get addicted because going off it is next to impossible. I really resent my psychiatrist and I think she's a horrible person for forcing me on this drug. They wouldn't let me leave the mental hospital and told me they would make a court order and give me shots if I refused to take the medication. Looking back, what I should have done is just quit the medication right when I got out of the hospital because they couldn't have done anything about it. Sorry this is so long but this whole issue has caused so much friction and even hatred for me for my mom, who refuses to believe in my religious experience. I think she says she believes me to shut me up. But if she really believed me she wouldn't see the need for me to be on this medication. I'm planning on slowly weaning myself off of it, but based on what I've read I know its going to be almost impossible. I work so I need my sleep every night. I asked my doctor for Xanax and sleeping pills to help me with the withdrawal symptoms, and she refused to give them to me. I'm afraid I'll overdose on sleeping pills just trying to get the sleep I need because going off Geodon causes awful excruciating insomnia. I buy the store brand sleeping pills because my doctor wont give them to me. My opinion is most mental illness can be solved with God and prayer to Jesus. Psychiatrists put everyone and their mother on medication and I think the ones I've had are awful, sadistic, uncaring, unfeeling, unloving, do more damage than good, godless, learned in the wrong kind of knowledge, wretched people. What I wanted here was advice or any tips to going off of Geodon. I kind of got off track. If anyone has gone off of it successfully, lend me your advice.