Self destruction symptoms and conditions

I was prescribed Lamictal around this time two years ago (July '07) for Borderline Personality Disorder. At first I thought it was great and I felt like it'd been a miracle drug -- the drive back home from the psychiatrist's office that day was such a feeling of relief because I was going to get my miracle drug, finally. Later the next month I moved away from home and began college in the lower half of the state and stopped taking the medication because I noticed that I feeling any difference, or experiencing any change in my moods. Infact, I felt exactly the same as I had before. I looked up the medicine derivative drug and found out that it has a "placebo-like effect with highly addictive qualities".... which made me think that once again, my problem is all in my head. I still feel like I need to be on some kind of medication, but I am not willing to part entirely with my authentic self just to make some other people's lives easier. If they think my mood swings and attempts at self-destruction effect them negatively, just wait until you are the one having them and you can't control them! I don't want to become a zombie, I don't want to lose my hair, and I don't want to gain 30 lbs, but I feel like there's nothing else I can do. But then again, there doesn't seem to be any drug that can help without the drastic side-effects.

Sheesh.