Sports bar symptoms and conditions

I've had prescriptions for alprazolam for over 3 yrs. I love this drug more than sex, food, vacations- it's the best feeling in the world to me. I can go places I normally feel uncomfortable, like a sports bar. The only bad part are the seizures when I run out- I can't hold onto a bottle loger than half a month- and I get over 100 mgs- I've had one on the beach, in a car, at 2 different jobs, in the shower- I've gotten better, though. Now, I taper off as much as possible- Xanax is responsible for the loss of my truest, longest love, my car, my best job, my independence/apartment, friends, family, money, reputation-- but I still love to take my Xanax tea and listen to music and see where the day takes me more than anything else- Oh yeah- it also makes me crave going to Manhattan to walk from one end to the other with my headphones- my advice-- never run out and always taper off halving for at least 5 days and finish with small amounts, even .25 for a week. I'm currently on 3 sticks a day :) Maybe the next seizure will kill me, but I'll go happy. One really great side effect is the memory loss- all the stuff that used to depress me has burned away.