Butterfly rash on my face...Doctor stopped the drug temporarilly....

Lies, Lies, Lies; I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar II for about 3 months.

I feel it is a very accurate diagnosis,as I have had diagnosis of adhd at 15 yrs and anxiety at 20 yrs,,and given normal amounts of one medication, for each problem(i.e.,one med for the adhd, one for anxiety). I led an almost normal life;had a gorgeous fiancee,a regular career, an apartment or home, etc.

My flaw was being too much of a party guy. I did not realize that underneath the two conditions mentioned above, was a bigger problem.This is because, for some reason, BiPolar doesn't kick in, on average,until around 25 in males. At that exact age,I started to notice very, very little changes going on,,but I assumed they were just side effects of my meds and drinking with people I barttended with until late at night.

Because I never assumed I had anything, but continued to be more anxious, less effective at work and more imulsive in regards to decision making, I started drinking more. although few of my co-workers knew it, I was always under the influence.

I broke down and went to rehab thinking I was an alcoholic. The alcohol stimulated hypomania in me, and hypomania is very desireable; being in control, creating incredible music, coming up with cleverr ideas,,,but I didn't know.

A month on the wagon(but still taking meds for adhd and anxiety) and I started drinking again, but it was no longer the huge amounts of beer (30-pack a day by rehab),more like medicinal amounts. I didn't everdrink to get drunk.

Nonethe less, I simply couldn't handle my job anymore. It hadn't changed. My ability to cope with the stress, which I had once thrived on, was gone.

For a year and a half I did not work. I didn't know why I couldn't do it, but I had to move home. I would lie and stall , anything. I began to sleep for days, waking only to use the bathroom. I would drink a 12 pack everyday and it induced some of the coolest things I've ever written or recorded,,but something was wrong.

Finally,my mom got me to a psychiatrist. Thank god. I was saved from the misery of not knowing why I couldn't get out there and kick ass in life. I was put on Lamictal. I got the cute little kit, and the shrink even mentioned a potential rash, twice. H said one in ten get it, although the manufacturer claim only less than 1% get it. Nobig deal, only over a 1000%difference in information. A week in, I felt so great that words cannot describe the control and feeling of normalcy! Saved! Thank God!
A week later I winged a glass at my best friend, for no reason at all, in the middle of a totally normal conversation. 1 second of random mania.

Within days I was experiencing rage like i cannot describe.I've never felt like that. I am 5'6" ,140lbs and I guarantee that, had anyone even smarted off to me and I wasn't close to them, I would have attacked them and beat them or mamed them to the point of unrecognizability. No matter how big they were.

Then i got the rash. It was so painful I cannot describe it. I had to go to the ER.

I was taken off the lamictal, but stillhad hope in it because of the one good week. I read of many patients wo had the rash, but were able to start the medicine again, at a lower dosage and a slower taper. I did this and felt fine for a month and a half(I di not ask my doctor, ,very foolish because when I did I had already beenon it for a month and he told me not to start it again, but instead take another seizure med, trileptal.

I could not take it because i had to get the lamictal out first. I decided to taper of in 12.5 mg a week increments instead of cold turkey. Having nothing to do w/ the fact that it was my first day of tapering down(I was only at 50 mgs)I began to have the rage again three days ago. It has been an undescribeable 3 days. It goes on for hours, stops briefly(an hour) and begins again. I have considered suicide because of utter disbelief and shock that anyone would put someone on this sh7t. If you read up, you will find horror story after horror story about this drug. Moreover, you will find terrible things about the other med (trileptal) he prescribed me.
Then , as you go back to older maintenance treatments,(Lithium, depakote) you will read worse things.

I am not a person that likes to be pushed around or lied to, on any level. I simply do not put up with it. I am very kind and always have been, but if I am crossed, I will fuck with that person's life in every way i can. My general opinion of society is that people believe everything they are told, place emphasis on materialism when they should place it on being empathetic and helping those who need help. So, the masses are a sad bunch to me. The human condition is a difficult one and is unchanging. Only a small percentage of people open their minds up and consider the utter lies that have been fed to them from childhood.
History shows us that, in an effort to stay rich, those in power will go to any length, at the cost of other human beings' needs and lives, to lie and control the middle class. anything to keep our eyes closed.

I refuse to take any more mood disorder drugs(none of which are approved by the Fda to treat bi-polar! Did you realize there is not one medication that is specifically made to treat bi-polar? Not even Lithium is approved by the FDA for that. Why might that be?? Why not have a pharmaceutical company invest the money to develop a medication to treat this? Perhaps because they know that there is no real treatment for this disease, or even a maintenance drug. The fda and the pharmaceuticals would be sued left and right for all the side-effects of these epilepsy drugs the doctors prescribe, off-label, for bi-polar. But if they don't say that the drug is supposed to do a cerain thing, they don't have to go through the process and cost of developing the drug. They know that many with bi-polar are uninsured so they could never mark the drug up sky-high with the pharmacies,,because bi-polar people are often indigent and poor.

It is terrible that people go through years of different doctors,piles of meds (5 and 6 different things at a time, often!)and horrible side effects hoping for some magic combination.

HERE IS REALITY FOR YOU, ME, AND ANYONE WITH BI-POLAR;

YOU WILL NEVER BE OK AGAIN, INTHE WAY YOU MAY HAVE ONCE BEEN. BUT, MUCH OF YOUR FRUSTRATION IS CAUSED BY THE FACT THAT WE STRUGGLE FOR YEARS BEFORE WE EVEN REALIZE WE SHOULD SEEK HELP. WHEN WE DO GO TO A SHRINK(MANY ARE TOO POOR TO AFFORD IT), IT OFFERS US A FEELING OF GREAT RELIEF BECAUSE, ASIDE FROM A FEW DIFFERENT TRIAL AND ERROR PERIODS, WE FEEL LIKE TREATMENT WILL COME PRETTY QUICKLY AND LIFE WILL RESUME, BEING JUST A BIT LESS THAN THE LIFE WE USED TO HAVE. THEN, WE ARE PUT ON HORRIBLE MEDS, EXPERIENCE UNBELIEVABLE SIDE EFFECT AND THEY ARE SO FAR-REACHING IT IS QUITE HARD TO GET ANYTHING BUT GENERAL ANSWERS. WE GET EVEN WORSE BECAUSE THE DR WHO WAS THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS GIVEN US DRUGS THAT SENT US INTO PLACES WORSE THAN WE EVER WERE BEFORE. MORE DOCTORS,MORE F8CK9D UP PILLS ARE NOT THE ANSWER UNLESS SUICIDE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN GET DOWN WITH. I AM TOO TALENTED, AND TOO STUBBORN TO DO IT. BUT IF I CONTINUE LISTENING TO THESE DOCTORS, AND TAKING STUFF THAT SENDS ME INTO MANIA AND RAGE, CAUSES SEIZURES(i HAD A GRAN MAOL SEIZURE THREE WEEKS INTO LAMICTAL), PERMANENT SHAKES, HORRIBLE MEMORY, AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP,,I KNOW I'LL GET TIRED OF IT AND KILL MYSELF.

IT'S AMUSING HOW THEY REMIND US SO OFTEN, DON'T GO OFF YOUR MEDS,,,THERE ARE PROBABLY SOME SCHIZOPHENICS AND BI-POLAR PATIENTS TAKING BENZOS(AS i AM) AND WE CANNOT CEASE TAKING MEDS OR WE ARE AT RISK FOR SEIZURE, NOT TO MENTION 6 MONTHS OF UNBEARABLE PAIN. AND, IF YOU ARE IN YOUR RIGHT MIND, AND HAVE FOUND A MED COCKTAIL THAT IS GOOD FOR YOU, THEN OBVIOUSLY YOU AE=REN'T GOING TO STOP. YOU'RE ONE OF THE VERY LUCKY FEW.

I AM QUITE CERTAIN THAT THE DEPRESSION I FELT BEFORE MY DIAGNOSIS WAS DUE TO NOT KNOWING I HAD BI-POLAR 2AND FEELING SAD BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS MOVING ON WITH LIFE AND I COULDN'T SEEM TO PULL IT TOGETHER.NOW THAT I KNOW, AND COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THE CLINICALDEFINITION OF BPII AS BEING WHAT I HAVE, I AM COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF. I HAVE RESTRICTIONS AND LIMITATIONS ON WHAT I CAN DO WITH MY LIFE. IF OTHER PEOPLE DON'T GET IT,WHY THE HELL DO I CARE?

I WILL CONTINUE TAKING 3MGS OF XANEX A DAY, AND 60 MG'S OF RITALIN. IF IFEEL DISCOMFORT I WILL DRINK A COUPLE OF BEERS. I WON'T EXCEED 12 A DAY. HOW HORRIBLE, SOCIETY WOULD SAY...WHY IS THAT SO BAD? I'MNOT GOING TO DRIVE (AT ALL) ANYMORE, ANDA 12 PACK OF BEER OVER 16 HOURS IS NOTHING. NOT TO ME. I KNOW THIS MAKES ME OK. I ALSO KNOW THAT, IF I DERIVATE AND RAISE THINGS UP, IT WILL MESS UP MY FEELING OK. SO, I STAY REGIMENTED.

I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE ANYONE TO SEEK ANY TYPE OF ALTERNATIVE TO THESE HORRIBLE DOCTORS MOOD STABILIZERS IF IT IS CAUSING YOU TO BE FAR WORSE. DON'T GET ON STREET DRUGS, OR RIDICULOUS PAIN KILLERS. BUT JUST EXPLORE THINGS THAT, IN COMBINATION WITH YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT YOU HAVE, WILL HELPYOU..I DO NOT SMOKE POT, BUT MANY DO AND, I BELIVE FOR SOME, IT WOULD BE A GREAT THERAPY. BUT, THERE'S NO MONEY IN IT FOR THE GOVERNMENT, SO REALIZE YOU HAVE TO WEIGH THE COST OF COURT, ATTORNEYS AND THEN PROBATION WITH HAVING BI-POLAR.YOU WILL LIKELY MESS UP ALONG THE WAY FOR MEMORY OR ORGANIZATIONAL REASON AND THAT'S A DOWNWARD SPIRAL. IF I DON'T OPERATE A VEHICLE, ICAN LEGALLY DRINK A 12 PACK.

BENZOS ARE VERY EFFECTIVE BUT HIGHLY PHYSICALLY ADDICTIVE. IF YOU START THEM, REALIZE THAT YOU ARE SIGNING ON FOR LIFE. YOU PROBABLY WILLNOT BE ABLE TO STOP. SOME CAN TAPER OFF,,BUT THENYOUR ANXIETY WILLRETURN.IF YOU GO ON BENZOS,,DO NOT UP YOUR DOSE. PERIOD! IF YOU THINK YOU WILL, DON'T START.

SSRI'S LIKE PROZAC AND ZOLOFT ARE TOTALLY OUT OF THE QUESTION.THEY WILL THROW YOU INTO A KIND OF RAPID CYCLING NIGHTMARE THAT IS UNREAL! UNLESS YOU ARE MISDIAGNOSED W/ DEPRESSION FIRST, NO SHRINK WOULD EVER GIVE A BI-POLAR PATIENT AN SSRI.

WELLBUTRIN SHOULD BE CALLED PLACEBO . EFFEXOR IS EFFECTIVE SOMETIMES, BUT I WATCHED IT BADLY CHANGE MY EX AND COMING OFF OF IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE VERY PAINFUL EMOTIONALLY. BIPOLAR PEOPLE DON'T NEED SHIT THAT TAMPERS WITH THEIR MOODS.

ABOVE ALL, REMEMBER, THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT CAUSES THIS(JUST THE SAME LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU OR i WOULD GUESS),THERE IS NO CURE,,AND YOU GET ONLINE AND SHOW ME SOME SUCCESS STORIES. THERE ARE ALMOST NONE. IF YOU GOOGLE BIPOLAR SUCCESS STORIES, YOU GET A BUNCH OF HITS OF PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SUCCESS STORIES!
DOCTORS ,PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, TE FDA, AND OUR GOVERNMENT ARE MOTIVATED BY PROFITS. BECAUSE WE ARE A VERY UNPROFITABLE GROUP,WE ARE IGNORED AND TREATED LIKE FILTH. NOONE TREATS ME WITH ANYTHING BUT RESPECT! I HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE.
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, AND IF YOU CAN'T WORK START COLLECTING THE MONEY THAT IS THERE FOR YOU.IF YOU NEED MEDS AND CANNOT AFFORD THEM GO TO Totalrxaccess.com.They can lead you to a much larger organization,Partnership ForPrescription Assistance. The chances that the meds you need are supported by them are almost definite. Those are 20-40% off of name brands. Even better, etermine which pharmaceutical company makes your medication, and there is a strong chance they will provide you with a one year supply, sent every three months at the cost of $10, for meds that cost over a hundred a month. I know this is real, because i just got done getting Lamictal for free(wow,now).

I have a hige amount of resources that I have researched and would be more than happy to share any of it with anyof you. e-mail me at mamincorp@yahoo.com. Ifyou don't have internet, go to the public library and send me an e-mail telling me what you are diagnosed with and what meds you need help with or what government assistance you need and i will provide you with clear directions and explanations on how to go about getting the assistance that you deserve . The government and the pharmaceutical companies don't advertise the free stuff, because they are money grubbing bastards, but it's there, it's legal, and it takes, usually a fax from your doctor with a confirmation that you take that med. I had a fax sent and a script with the pharmacy instructions in 5 minutes. Picked it up 15 minutes later and it will have saved me $1600 (if i were continuing to take that med).
If you didn't know, costco has to allow you to use their pharmacy ,whether you are a member or not, and their medication are usually between 1/2 up to 1/8 the cost of the next least expensive pharmacy.Target are utter bastards, and Wal-mart,used to be sort of reasonable (costs around what CVS offer), but ever since they realeased a list of outdated , generic meds you could get for $4 the rest of their prices have gone up quite a bit.
So, if you don't want to do a little bit of research(most of which I've saved you an immense amount of time on already), go Cotco.

I also have a substantial list of free re-integration scholarships , housing and even job placement after college for bi-polar and schizophrenia, as well as anxiety patients. iIf you would like the pharmaceutical companies to pay for your extended education (among other scholarships and grants-all free money) i'd love to help you get there. again, just e-mail me.

Don't know how to set up an e-mail account? call 913-492-2194 and I'll walk you through it. Please donot callthat number for the other things listed above unless you do not know how to get and receive e-mail.

All the best,,,,,,,,,,Stand up and stop being taken advantage of by a system that could care less.

A Friend

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