When I first started taking Adderall, it seemed amazing. I had n...

When I first started taking Adderall, it seemed amazing. I had no problems with it at first, except for coming home after school and falling asleep, but it didn't bother me much. After I had taken it for a few months I started to get severe crashes in the late afternoon. It was like, when I was on Adderall I was awake, happy, confident and outgoing, then I would come down from it and be the exact opposite. I would experience things like feeling very depressed and abandoned randomly and I was often the downer of the whole group, putting everyone in a bad mood. I started getting upset with my best friend for the littlest things and feeling like she had suddenly turned her back on her good friends. Looking back now, I realize how rediculous and off-base my fears and insecurities were. After a while, I was just pushing my friends away by feeling unloved. That's the thing, Adderall takes away your ability to feel natural love, success, happiness, energy, and motivation. It puts up a block in your mind from the real world. Nothing you feel is real anymore. I stopped taking it completely one day. I realized how much it had destroyed my life. Stopping was hard, but worth it. I remember the first time after stopping that I actually felt happy and tired at the same time. When I did Adderall, the feeling of being tired was tied to coming down from the drug, so I lost the ability to be tired and happy, because tired meant unhappiness was coming. Unfortunately, I had to recently start taking it again, for it was the only thing I could think of to help me with school. With about four weeks of school left I'm currently facing four failing grades out of six classes. So far it has been extremely hard, and I still despise this drug. This will be the most challenging next couple of weeks I will have ever experienced, but I have to. I can tell you that I can't wait for summer vacation when I can rid this of my life forever. Even though the high still makes me feel unbreakably energetic and happy, I know that this happiness is not nearly as good as real life happiness. I'm just lucky I have some amazing friends to stick by me this time, so that when I come out of this in four weeks, I wont come back to a life abandoned by the people I pushed away unknowingly. I can't wait for the day that I can actually live and feel my own life, and my own happiness.