Been on Methadone tabs for 9 yrs. I gained 130 lbs, have edema in...

Hi:
I have been on methadone for 6 years. Started at 40mg and now I at least 100mg a day.
Started on it for chronic pain. I take physeptone 5 mg pills (yes a lot a day!)
I have gained over 100lbs, my stomach is huge.
I have hypogonadotrophic hypogonadism (pituitary not producing LH so very little testosterone).
I get terrible hot flashes and sweats with a feeling of agitation and terrible fatigue.
All I want to eat is sweet things.
Also my big stomach interferes with my breathing.
I also am glucose intolerant and have sleep apnoea.
I am on hormone therapy Nebido 1000mg, 4ml , testosterone undecanoate).
I have tried many times to cut down but cannot do it.
Firightened to go to a clinic incase they stop the meds and my pain comes back, not to mention the withdrawal, which has you no is horrible and lasts for months (due to a combination of opiate and NMDA receptor problems).
Don't know what to do.