I was first diagnosed with depression when i was 18 years old. Fo...

I was first diagnosed with depression when i was 18 years old. For 9 years i was on all different types of medication but for a majority of the time i was on Effexor xr. I remember when i missed a dose, just feeling so bad i would just want to go to bed but when i took the next dose it wouldn't take long to get back to normal. My memory has been shocking. So bad that i have trouble remembering what happened when my children were babies. I don't know if this is because of the meds or the depression. My father committed suicide during the time i was on effexor and i just could not grieve. I felt that when i cried i was just forcing it. I just didn't feel many emotions at all. My life took a turn after that and i had so much going on that i either didn't have any trouble coming off it or i just don't remember what it was like. At the start of this year my life was very full and happy and i was so busy until one day i just felt as though i was going to die. For a week i sat in the emergency department at the hospital certain i was going to die and leave my three children without a mother. I was finally diagnosed with a panic disorder. I didn't care what they did i just wanted them to make it stop.(the way i was feeling) I was put lexapro but had a bad reaction to that so they put me back on effexor xr. I can only say thank god! I have been on it now for almost six months and i have decided to come off it again as i feel my life is back in control. The main side effects i have had this time on this medication have been, a definite decrease in sexual function, deep sleep, vivid dreams and my pupils are dilating differently. I have over the last week decreased my dose from 75mls a day to 37.5. I really don't remember going through all these side effects last time. I was on a much higher dose before too. I have had the worst migraines, i am so tired, my eyes sting, i have what i guess others have described as shocks. When i move my head or blink my eyes it feels like i get a shock in my head. I feel like i am looking through a tunnel sometimes too. Although i had this same feeling when i was first put back on the meds. Yes it is tough coming off it this time but i still don't regret taking it in the first place. Without it i may still be feeling the worst feelings i have ever felt in my life and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. The effects i am getting now are not even a glimpse of what i went through before i started.