I have been taking Lamictal for about 2 1/2 years now. I have bee...

I have been taking Lamictal for about 2 1/2 years now. I have been taking 200 mg for two years. I have experienced very few side effect. Except vivid dreams and not sleeping well. I have always had vivid dreams but there is one I have had since the medication it was so awful that I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel suicidal. I have had many ups and downs in my life but never thought suicide to be a positive option. I don't think I would do it but I can't stand these awful repetitive thoughts. I have had less and less energy in the last 6 months or so. I thought it was because I was working to much. I have quit doing most the things I love. I have always been a high energy person. So I thought it must be the Lamictal. When I had complained to my doctor he said that it sounded like depression and normally they would increase the dosage but he would decrease it if I wanted. I went to 150 and then 100. I felt awful just like I used to before the drug. So I went back up to 200 and at least I didn't feel so awful. So I increased it to 250mg and I started to fell less depressed. Sometimes I have taken to much in the past because I forgot I had taken it and repeated the does. That is when I had the first bad dream that has haunted me since. Then I started to forget to take my medication off and on and that is when the depression started. Now I took the 250 and I had another haunting dream. This drug really has been a miracle for me. I have never felt this stable in my entire life! In the past I was trying to self medicate but since the Lamictal I have quit smoking pot and drinking. I don't like alcohol and drugs anymore because I don't like to feel altered anymore. Most of the symptoms everyone has described are how I felt before Lamictal and I feel better since. I will never go below 200mg or above again without a suitable alternative. I still can't get rid of the repetitive thoughts on 200mg. Typical anti-depressants have the opposite effect for me. Has anyone found a suitable alternative. I have heard that other drugs for bi-polar such as Lithium and Depakote have a sedative effect and I don't like that. I want to be my normal energetic self!