I'm 21 years old and I had a PE December 2008 (a week after my bi...

I'm 21 years old and I had a PE December 2008 (a week after my birthday) and spent the Christmas holiday in the hospital. They don't know what caused it. I started out doing lovenox shots (which was horrible) and then switched to Warfarin. I have not been able to stabilize my INR and I've had to go to get it checked at least every other week for 5 months. It's so draining. At first I did everything by the book as far as eating right, not drinking alcohol, not shaving my legs but honestly I'm getting fed up. I'm tired of having to restrict my diet so much and be tired and depressed ALL the time. I started shaving with a razor again a few months ago bc the electric one does nothing. I also go out to the bars with my friends a lot more but it's so hard to be a new 21 year old in a college town. I want to be like all my friends and go out and have fun without having to think about the consequences. Supposedly, I'm finding out on June 17 whether or not I'll be on warfarin for life. Sometimes I think that if that is what the doctor says, I will tell him no! I just don't think I can do this forever. It doesn't get easier and none of my friends understand. They don't know how bad I wanna cry every time they say "At least you are alive." Give me a break...