I am a recovering heroin addict. Everyone thinks I am sober. Howe...

I am a recovering heroin addict. Everyone thinks I am sober. However, I feel differently. I have been taking Neurontin for about a year now and am completely addicted to it. My doctor began prescribing me 300 mg. 3x a day. when I realized it gave me a calming, relaxing, energizing feeling. It made me feel like I could handle anything. My kids, work, cooking, the laundry, my emotions. Everything was perfect, I was in total control. I convinced the doctor I needed more, "MY BACK PAIN BECAME IMENSE!!" I am now up to 900mg, 3x a day and am honestly popping 15- 20 pills at a time. I am so disgusted with myself. I have tried to stop and feel trapped. When I take my normal dosage I feel extremely dizzy, anxious, confused and disconnected. My stress level is very high. I feel like the world is coming down on me. My body hurts. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I cannot handle reality. I found this website. looking for help, an alternative, someway to help me get off this shit. I get headaches and SEVERE diarrhea. Neurontin is extremely addictive, physically and mentally!!!