I have a seizure disorder (Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy) that star...

I have a seizure disorder (Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy) that started in 2000. I was on Valporic Acid till 2005 at which time I gradually switched over to Lamotrigine (Lamictal). My reason for switching to Lamictal is because it is a lot safer for an unborn baby than Valporic Acid and I got married in 2005 so just wanted to be safe just in case. Valporic Acid controlled both my myoclonic jerks and my grand mal seizures. I was on 1500mg a day (6 x 250mg). With the Lamictal I started at 100mg/day and now am on 125mg/day (5 x 25mg). I take 3 in the morning and 2 in the evening, exactly 12 hours apart. If I take my doses longer than 12 hours apart, I start feeling the withdrawal. My body just starts feeling strange. At first I thought this way I felt meant I was going to start having myoclonus jerks or a seizure but I now realize that it is withdrawal I am feeling. I hate how my body, my life, is controlled by the Lamictal. I hate the withdrawal feeling I feel almost every evening, and it goes away once I take my evening dose. Other than that I don't really know of any side effects I have. I know I am on a really low dose compared to a lot of people. My neurologist and family doctor want me to go up on my dosage to control my myoclonus jerks better but I keep refusing because I HATE HATE HATE being on any psychiatric medication. I have been on antidepressants in the past (Paxil, Effexor, Remeron, Cipralex at different times over 4 years) and I have been through withdrawal from them. I am so glad to be free from those drugs but I tell you the withdrawal is HELL. But if it wasn't for my seizure disorder, I would GLADLY go through hell again to be off of Lamictal. Recently I tried lowering my Lamictal dosage in hopes I could be on a lower dose. I cut one of my 5 pills in half which took me from 125mg to 112.5 mg. The first 7 weeks were fine - some minor hardly noticeable side effects. But then the withdrawal hit hard - panic attacks and extreme nausea being the worst, but also very weak/no strength, anxiety, trembling, etc. After 4 days of that I went back up to 125mg and after about 3 weeks was back to normal. The only reason I did not stick it out was because my myoclonus jerks were increasing and I did not want to seizure. I have stuck out half a year of antidepressant withdrawal torture and I would've stuck out the Lamictal withdrawal if it wasn't for my seizure disorder. Great book that really helped me if you want to go off Lamictal is Your Drug May Be Your Problem - How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications by Peter R. Breggin MD and David Cohen MD. This book really helped me during my antidepressant withdrawal. Dr. Breggin also has a website which is ****** I do have some mild problems with anxiety and I have become a little OCD but I think that is left over from my years of antidepressant use as they both seem to gradually get better over time (I have been free from the death grip of antidepressants for 2 years now). If you decide to withdraw from Lamictal please do it SAFELY. Have strong support. Do it very gradually. Know the risks. I for one may have to be on this for life which is discouraging. After I am done having kids (I'm a 26 year old female, been married for 4 years, hoping to start a family soon) maybe I will switch back over to Valproic Acid.....it would control my jerks better but who knows if it would bring on a whole 'nother set of problems, right?