Lamictal Borderline personality disorder, miracle drug, addictive qualities, mood swings, authentic self

I was prescribed Lamictal around this time two years ago (July '07) for Borderline Personality Disorder. At first I thought it was great and I felt like it'd been a miracle drug -- the drive back home from the psychiatrist's office that day was such a feeling of relief because I was going to get my miracle drug, finally.

Later the next month i moved away from home and began college in the lower half of the state and stopped taking the medication because i noticed that i feeling any difference, or experiencing any change in my moods. infact, i felt exactly the same as i had before. i looked up the medicine derivative drug and found out that it has a "placebo-like effect with highly addictive qualities".... which made me think that once again, my problem is all in my head. i still feel like i need to be on some kind of medication, but i am not willing to part entirely with my authentic self just to make some other people's lives easier. if they think my mood swings and attempts at self-destruction effect them negatively, just wait until you are the one having them and you can't control them! i don't want to become a zombie, i don't want to lose my hair, and i don't want to gain 30 lbs, but i feel like there's nothing else i can do. but then again, there doesn't seem to be any drug that can help without the drastic side-effects.

sheesh.