Lamictal and fear

I started taking Lamictal about six weeks ago for epilepsy. Now keep in mind, I was on Dilantin which worked great for 17 years and then suddenly stopped working. I have been in medication hell since then. First Topamax made me dumb as a rock. I would space out all the time. Worst drug ever. Then Keppra which was better in that my memory/ability to speak came back but I had these intense ups and down. I had rages constantly. Now I'm on Lamictal. So far, it's better than the Topamax and the Keppra, however the dreams are very intense as are the night sweats. I'm also experiencing much hair loss. Fortunately I have a full head of hair but I'm afraid I will eventually lose it all.

While I still have times of depression and the occasional bout of caffeine induced manic time- my life is livable and in control. A few occasions I have been without medication for 2-3 days and experience some pretty awful depression. It takes a few weeks before it evens out again. I live in fear during those times that the Lamictal (200 mg) will stop working for me and my life will return to its unpredictable hell. Antidepressants alone do not work for me. I have read that restarting Lamictal after being without it/completely off it has ineffective results. I believe Lamictal has given me my life. I read some of these entires and I am afraid for some of you- so many drugs and combinations.

I have been on Lamictal for almost a year now and everything seemed to go okay until almost three weeks ago when I had to increase my dosage from 100 to 150mg and my Lexapro to 15mg. In the last couple of weeks, I have gained 7 pounds and I am really depressed. I have an eating disorder (bulimia) and because of this, I profusely purge my food in fear of gaining a dramatic amount of weight again. I am going to see my psychiatrist next week because all of this is going to cause me to crash.

i am currently at 100 mg at night. Have had chronic issues with keeping food in or down. Have gone through dramatic weight loss and fluctuation. The acne I can deal with, the headaches are bearable, and even the muscle aches I am growing used to. It is the severe dizziness that is getting to me. I will get lightheaded so quickly, and on several occassions have lost my hearing and twice have actual passed out. I thought perhaps this was due to lack of sleep and food deprivation, but continued once got both those a bit more on track.
Additionally, have been extremely irritable, anxious, unsettled and ANGRY. I have had horrible nightmares, fear, and when I sleep, only do it for periods of 1/2 hour or so before I wake up sweating, with heart racing and often yelling. I have had issues with extreme anxiety in addition to the diagnosis of bipolar variation. I want to try to stick with it till I am up to 200 mg per dr, but am growing discouraged.

I started Lamicatal May 19th, 2005. I was warned by my doctor of dangerous rash and itching. If so, stop taking medication, call him if not too bad that I need to call 911 to go to the hospital. On my print out from the CVS pharmacy is clearly stated: Serious (sometimes fatal) skin rashes have occured while using this medicine. Immediately notify your doctor if you develop any type of rash. If this medicine is the cause of the rash, the medicine must be stopped. Even after stopping this medicine. It is still possible for the rash to cause permanent or life-threatening scarring along with other problems.

Possible Side Effects:
drowsiness, trouble sleeping, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, muscle aches, double vision, blurred vision, fatigue, weakness, headache, shakiness, or clumsiness.

Symptoms of an Allergic Reaction include:
rash, itching, hives, fever, swollen glands, swelling of the lips or tongue, painful sores in the mouth or around the eyes, severe dizziness, or trouble breathing.

Symptoms of Overdose:
may include unusual dizziness, serve headache, unusual sleepiness, involuntary eye movements, and loss of consciousness.

I starting itching really bad the second day on the medication. To the point I had huge bruises allover me. I got a spurt of energy that I have not had in several years the second night but not since then. I can't go to sleep at night. Even taking 6 Tylenol PM and a Klonapin I don't get sleepy until around 9 to 100am in the morning and then I sleep all day long. I have started to have frequent headaches, suspious bumps around my mouth area. My muscles ache, too. It is Memorial day weekend so I can't call my doctor but I am going to on Tuesday. I have (MDD) Major Depression Disorder, Manic Depression, (TRD) Treatment Resistent Disorder. Nothing I have taken thus far has helped me with my depression.

Does anyone have first hand knowledge on ECT treatment? I am seriouly considering this procedure. I am desperate but I have no insurance or money because I haven't be able to work for 9 years now. This is the only thing that has kept me from getting the ECT treatments, is money! I have contacted every Talk show, hospital, clinical trials and no luck in finding free help with ECT.

Any ideas, guidance or suggestions would be most appreciated, I am dire to get help soon or I won't make it.
Sincerely,
Lost Hope