Lamictal and ups and downs

I have been taking Lamictal for about 2 1/2 years now. I have been taking 200 mg for two years. I have experienced very few side effect. Except vivid dreams and not sleeping well. I have always had vivid dreams but there is one I have had since the medication it was so awful that I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel suicidal. I have had many ups and downs in my life but never thought suicide to be a positive option. I don't think I would do it but I can't stand these awful repetitive thoughts. I have had less and less energy in the last 6 months or so. I thought it was because I was working to much. I have quit doing most the things I love. I have always been a high energy person. So I thought it must be the Lamictal. When I had complained to my doctor he said that it sounded like depression and normally they would increase the dosage but he would decrease it if I wanted. I went to 150 and then 100. I felt awful just like I used to before the drug. So I went back up to 200 and at least I didn't feel so awful. So I increased it to 250mg and I started to fell less depressed. Sometimes I have taken to much in the past because I forgot I had taken it and repeated the does. That is when I had the first bad dream that has haunted me since. Then I started to forget to take my medication off and on and that is when the depression started. Now I took the 250 and I had another haunting dream. This drug really has been a miracle for me. I have never felt this stable in my entire life! In the past I was trying to self medicate but since the Lamictal I have quit smoking pot and drinking. I don't like alcohol and drugs anymore because I don't like to feel altered anymore. Most of the symptoms everyone has described are how I felt before Lamictal and I feel better since. I will never go below 200mg or above again without a suitable alternative. I still can't get rid of the repetitive thoughts on 200mg. Typical anti-depressants have the opposite effect for me. Has anyone found a suitable alternative. I have heard that other drugs for bi-polar such as Lithium and Depakote have a sedative effect and I don't like that. I want to be my normal energetic self!

I've been on Lamictal for the past 2 years. I had suffered from depression from the age of 15, which was subsequently diagnosed as bi-polar at age 37 and treated with Lamictal at 39. I started on 25 mg increasing to 100.

It literally changed my life. I felt completely normal, without having lost my personality and didn't have these huge ups and downs. My short term memory, which was never very good, has become worse.

I have now got a rash. This maybe because I was feeling so great, that I didn't take my tabs for a few days, then resumed at my normal dose.

I have moved and so am no longer in contact with the doctor who prescribed this to me. I just can't bear to go back to the space I was in before I took Lamictal and am going to try starting at a low dose and building up again.

Good luck to anyone trying this. For my bi-polar condition it literally changed my life. I was never really happy before, and I can say that i am often content these days, and positive.