Topamax and getting a divorce

Ugh. Where to begin...

My girlfriend started taking Topamax back in.... around November I believe (end of January now), and life has been absolutely hell for me since. She had always had a lowered sex drive due to being on birth control, but everything was absolutely perfect. Once things got going, it was heaven. Aside from sex, she would always be smiling, happy, bubbly, doing little things for me, and life was absolutely f&*cking perfect.

That girl is now gone, thanks to Topamax. Immediately, sex drive just decided to up and leave. Like, completely. She has not had an orgasm in over 3 months, we can't even have sex anymore because she does not get wet (not trying to make this a graphic pornographic story), no matter how long we try or whatever. And even when she DID oblige my desire, oh boy was it obvious she would have rather been watching paint dry. Ugh.

Now? The first thing I ever hear out of her mouth is asking how long I had the heat on for, or WHY i had it on. She doesn't smile. She doesn't talk to me. She doesn't hug me. She shows no affection anymore. I fucking hate it. I've been going over and over in my mind whether or not to leave her... and I don't want to, but I cannot take this anymore. I'm going crazy, and its affecting me to the point where I've been thinking about suicide (not doing it... just wishing I were dead because I hate life right now).

I feel like I'm in a relationship with a zombie, a stranger... she can still smile and laugh, but it feels fake. Its not her. She's become a cold, detached, unaffectionate shell of a human being. I told her the other day that my band that I've had since 2002 is over because our drummer got kicked out of his apartment and had to get a job in Boston (I live in Albany, NY) and that he had to be there next week. We had to cancel out of state shows... all this stuff. I am a recovering heroin addict, and getting the band back together finally made me realize everything had become whole again in my life (we broke up in 2004 for while because of my addiction). So, this is crushing. All she said was "You can still play guitar." Maybe a couple other sentences, but thats it.

Everything has gotten to the point where she obviously doesn't give a shit and could seriously care less about me in any way possible. This drug is ruining our storybook relationship.

I don't know what to do. The migraines were crushing her. She has the tingly feeling in her hands/fingers, but she can deal with that. She's lost some weight, but I'm losing it. I'm ready to walk away from our relationship of over 4 years. She's 21, and taking 75 mg a day. I'll be 24 in a month. Life sucks. She tried over meds, but nothing worked. She tried butalbitol, I think, and one other medication. Definitely no more than 3 others.

She is no longer the girl I love. This medication destroys relationships at their core: affection and sexual connection.

I hope this helps someone avoid the hell that this drug brings.

My experience with Topamax was unreal. My doc gave i to me for anxiety/depression/weight loss. The weight loss began working right away but so did the disaster. By the time I had been on Topamax four months I was fired from my job, having an affair with my husband's best friend, spending $1000 on a credit card no one knew I had and spent 10 days in a psychiatric ward. There they determined that the Topamax had made me manic. A feeling of unreality had set in along with an intense feeling of well being, and aggressiveness. I am putting my life back together now after getting divorced, finding work in a new field, and trying to repair the damage done to my relationship with my kids.
My best friend called me tonight to tell me that her daughter who is also taking Topamax has become almost anorexic, is also getting a divorce, is now on medication for heart palpitations and will not speak to most of her family. It IS dangerous!!