Toprol-XL and abusive relationship

I am a 36 year old African American Female. I have been on Toprol for 4 years. I take 25mg a day. At one point a dr. recommended I take 50mg a day. That was horrible. All of my side effects were worse. I decided to break the pills and stay at 25mg. The lower dosage is better. At 36, I look like I am in my early 20's! Most people guess my age at about 24. I don't feel like it at all. I am always tired, I don't have orgasms ( which is bad when you have boyfriends in their early 20's all the time) and I have anxiety and depression. I love to have fun but toprol keeps me depressed, uninterested and I cry for no reason at all. I just feel severely sad for no reason at all and cry. It is horrible. I was prescribed toprol for rapid heartbeat and mildly high bp. That it works for, but the side effects are gruesome! I tried another med for a month and I thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest. I have 2 sons: 10 and 16, I can't be depressed and crazy all the time. I am very attractive and I want to enjoy life now that my kids are older. I'm getting off toprol!