Wellbutrin and anxiety panic disorder

I have been taking lexapro, lamictal, and wellbutrin for about 2 1/2 years for a lifetime of depression and anxiety/panic disorder. I had tried medication at age 15 and experienced all side effects and no benefits. But then at about age 21, I was so desperate that I gave it another shot...figuring there might be a difference in the past 6 years.

I started off with lexapro...and the first week I was soaring! I was jogging at 1AM and going out and enjoying life! I remember going to the movies with friends and laughing FOR REAL and having REAL fun!

At some point of course you level out and that was fine...but then it wasn't enough anymore so the lamictal and wellbutrin got added on.

Recently, my psych raised my (generic) wellbutrin to 300 XL from 200 SR.

I definitely noticed the difference between the XL and SR.

The real function of wellbutrin for me was getting me up out of bed in the morning. It gives me nervous energy, but that has been better than none at all.

But now I've recently realized some other fun side effects!

Memory loss and motor function impairment.

It's kind of funny because I think it has been going on for a good while, but I just didn't REMEMBER enough of it to piece it together. AHA good one right?

I am a hairdresser. A damn good one I'd say. Or...used to be?
I trained for and alongside of the best educators in the industry. I wrote the haircutting curriculum for one of the top education academies.

Now I feel like a f***ing idiot.

I've cut my fingers more in the past week than in the past 6 years. I find myself getting completely lost while doing someone's hair...like I've never been in that situation before.

Sometimes I have tremors that keep me for being able to hold my comb straight and still. My fingers seem to move more slowly and with less grace or control.
I type sooo much slower now.

I've also gone from having excellent spelling, grammar, and range of vocabulary...to forgetting common words...not being able to finish my sentences...and I find myself trying to sound out a word to figure out how to spell it. This doesn't work out too well.

I feel just plain dumb in general. I can't do relatively simple math in my head without getting confused. I can't process or answer a question under pressure.

Now I'm telling my DR. to stuff it, and try to wean myself off of this madness.

I really hope that these side effects aren't permanent. Then I'm just screwed.

I stopped a few times during this post at a loss for words.

Yeah so it stinks that I have lost my substitute for motivation.

Thanks for sharing everyone...you've made me feel like less of a failure.

OH YEAH!

The original story I was going to post was that today I went to the deli to get lunch and I got everything I was going to get for my coworkers...and forgot to get my sandwich. The check out lady is mean to me so I didn't go back. :\