Xanax and losing my mind

i have taken xanax for about 12 yrs now, i seem to be having side affects that i didnt have before, i feel dizzy and when i don'teat lunch i get the shakes, i am addicted to this drug when my life became too hard for me to handle i sarted taken this drug , my husband is very hostal and my son passed away that made me need to take this drug more, i don't think i will ever go off this drug, i tried once and had a very hard time i felt sick and like i was losing my mind. patty